revisions of sam
****I have taken out the picture of Sam (actually I couldn't figure out how to delete it, so I just minimized the fuck out of it) because, honestly, I couldn't even stand looking at it anymore. Here is what appears to be his official website. It's got better pictures and the one of him in the blankets is really pretty cute. http://samugliestdog.com/ ****
So, this is Sam, a Chinese Crested Hairless. He is the three time recipient of the World's Ugliest Dog competition at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in Calif. Sam
is 15 years old, has congestive heart failure, liver and kidney problems, a "hernia lump" on his back, cataracts in both eyes, moles running down his snout, and blackheads across the whole of his wrinkled, grey-brown body. Chauncey S. showed me this picture about a week ago (he claims to have had a personal run-in with Mr. Sam) and I have not been able to get it out of my head. My question: Am I the only one who's just crazy about this fucking pooch? Am I the only one who would love to have a little Sam laying next to me on the couch while I read a good book? You can't see it so good in this picture, but he's got fucked-up long nails...Am I the only one who'd love to hear that beautiful clack, clack, clacking across the hardwood when I get home from a hard day at work. And to have the little guy look up at me with that look in his blind-ass eyes that says I Love You, Papa. And to hear the sound he makes when he's excited, Blaaaaaaaghhh. Oh, Sam, if you were mine I would treat you right. I would not make you compete anymore, you gorgeous gremlin. No glory would you have to chase, only the squirrels and rabbits. I would punch those men and women who point and laugh. I would kick those children who scream in horror. Oh, Sam, come travel the world with me and I promise that I will scratch that itch behind your ear. For you would be getting the itch that eludes me, the one I can never reach by myself, the one right on the small of my soul.
posted by Ian @ Thursday, July 28, 2005
7 Comments:
gross.
i'm not sure if it was this particular dog, but in an overpriced vintage shop on melrose avenue, i saw two dogs like this. one was black with a white mohawk and the other one looked like sam. i didn't even know they were dogs when i saw them: i thought they were puppets or lizards or something. remember that evil gremlin called stripe? one of them looked just like that. i couldn't eat for hours. i still think about them and feel queasy.
blaaaaaaaghhh, indeed.
-rc
I would be mostly concerned about what might happen if Sam were to get wet.
I think I know what's happening here. You're finding beauty in the ugly. Best to stay away from this one, Ian. Creatures this ugly are inevitably bitter and just waiting to cause trouble. I once had an ugly friend--worst thing that ever happened to me.
P.S. Chauncey, I had to raise my voice at Ingomar. He tried to take my hotel room card holder, which is not appropriate for bedding material because I need it to hold my card.
He looks like Splinter in the TMNT movie before he got big.
It's too bad you can't beat something with a beauty stick. It's too bad it doesn't work that way.
In terms of canine evolutionary biology, an ugly dog is a dog that's more likely to be eaten or fed to other dogs/livestock. Count me as in support of canine evolutionary biology.
ivan,
post photos of you and ingomar at points of scenic interest post-haste. also, no kerouac-style benzedrine binges on your trip, please. ingomar only likes mescaline.
That photo is absolutely horrifying.
Someone post a picture of a cute dog to counteract this one! Quick! Or someone find a picture of Sparhawk!
Ivan, please give Ingomar my best regards. This can best be done by blowing sweet kisses at him and making sure he catches them with his tiny paws. Now there's an attractive animal!
Post a Comment
<< Home