Please, Continue
Don't want to put a halt to the catching up, but thought we could use a new post host for our reconnecting. (Please, you more recalcitrant of Ropes, we do want to hear.)
I hope you'll all be charmed to know that my local aquarium (just across the river in Newport, KY) submerges Santa in a 385,000-gallon shark tank five times a day. You may have read about him in the Times. Said one local reader of the article, "I thought all aquariums had underwater Santas, but I guess it's just ours."
Partnering Santa, who has exchanged his reindeer for magical sea-horses, is an elf who protects Santa's hat from careening sea turtles with a carefully wielded plastic candy cane. Visitors may communicate with Santa via a microphone system in his diving mask. Heated debates have sprung up this month regarding what the best question to ask tank-Santa, if you were only allowed to ask one question, would be. Some approach the debate as though he is some sort of oracle, others as though he is an astronaut. Though I don't find "How do you go to the bathroom?" an appropriate victor, it often is. "Who Dey?" runs a close second.
posted by SAS @ Tuesday, December 20, 2005
1 Comments:
seeing aquatic santa really drives home for me the importance of the war. this is what we're up against in the war on christmas, the most important war ever.
all over amerikkka, stay-at-home mothers are waging desperate all -nighters to wrap presents for people they hardly know. i can see them now, out in the street, women who are black, brown, and yellow, doubled over from buyer's remorse. tomorrow, we will all trade in our life savings for starbucks gift cards. merry chrismahaunnakwanzikaa, you cunts.
aren't we forgetting what x-mas is really about? the worship of our beloved pagan gods. fuck christmas.
i'm going all rosa parks on your asses and boycotting this year. if anyone was planning on sending me a fruitcake, please save yourself the trouble and use the money to pay for a cosmetic abortion.
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