duh
i finally got a personalized rejection today! I had really been looking forward to it. when i open that SASE and there's nothing in there but a shitty mimeographed page with a generic "go fuck yourself," it feels so devastating. someone at zoetrope had nice words for me (which is more than i can say for most people. mom, i'm talking to you). but then i was thinking: do some magazines always send personalized rejections? if one receives a nice letter saying that an editor liked a submission, should one believe them? does it mean you made it closer to publication before being shitcanned? just curious. maybe those of you who work for magazines can provide insight.
world's ugliest (continued)
just sitting around thinking up new excuses to give the student loan people (sallie mae, call me. i miss you. tell your sister fannie i didn't mean what i said), when i came across these pretty ladies. if you, like me, have never recovered from the loss of the world's ugliest dog, perhaps these monstrous cats will satisfy your craving for that thing inside you that's missing. supposedly the result of a spontaneous mutation, these cats are
playful, soft, and hungry. i predict...wait, i
guarantee that these cats will soon spread from hawaii and, hungry for sweet human flesh, devour the whole country coast to coast. adorable!
Take That
Having lived so many years in towns without local television programming and without the cable, I have become inordinately infatuated with the local news programming in Cincinnati. Their coverage is notoriously misleading and inflammatory. Of the recent cottony snowfall: WHITE DEATH STRIKES THE TRISTATE. I love it when they pick up the national stories and misconstrue them. Why might Cincinnati appeal to the average terrorist in wait? THE SEVEN BRIDGES OF DOOM. And so when the local news made the recent ABC '20/20' news program, "Where are American manners? Are we creating a culture where rudeness rules?" the focus of their own evening reporting, I decided to watch. Are residents of Porkopolis becoming more rude? The Channel Nine Eye-Team says, yes. The evidence: cursing overheard in restaurants where children are present. And that's when I decided to listen. I've just moved here, after all, and it is also true that I am as likely to say 'fuck' as 'hello.' Could I be a part of the problem? Am I creating a culture of rudeness? I decided to do a little investigating of my own.
Here are the first six bullets in a list of twenty-nine Basic Rules for Basic Cincinnati Table Manners:
• It is inappropriate to ask for a doggy bag when you are a guest.
• It is best to order foods that can be eaten with a knife and fork. Finger foods can be messy and are best left for informal dining.
• Do not order alcoholic beverages. Drinking too much when dining out is one of the most disliked behaviors.
• Do not smoke while dining out.
• Sit up straight at the table. It makes a good impression.
• When you are not eating, keep your hands on your lap or resting on the table (with wrists on the edge of the table). Elbows on the table are acceptable only between courses, not while you are eating.
• Do not season your food before you have tasted it.
Though I have never asked a doggy bag of a host, my guilt is otherwise complete. My behavior has been disliked most. I have made a bad impression with my spine. But are these definitive signs that I am rude? If you, like me, are looking for the kind of proof that can only come from national news organizations, you might find your savior in this ABC rudeness test. The results are instant, though (I warn you) the test itself is not entirely painless.
Quiz: How Rude Are You?
Your Favorite Poem
Dear poets,
I'm teaching a class in April, and need to cover a poetry unit. Since my own knowledge of poetry is embarrassing, and I don't want to fall back on old J.Alfed Prufrock, I was thinking of teaching some W.H.Auden and Denise Levertov, just because I like them personally. But I was hoping some poets out there could suggest a poem or two, and tell me a little about why they like it, or why they liked teaching it. Feel free to comment here or shoot me an email: skrasikov@gmail.com. Thanks a lot.
